He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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