A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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