I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
