haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize