so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
