direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
