70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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