Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."

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(604): View more from British Columbia

fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this

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(815): View more from Illinois

Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas

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(954): View more from Florida

She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.

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(210): View more from Texas

I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?

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(510): View more from California

She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.

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