In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
