I will die if light touches me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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