Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
