Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize