i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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