is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
