Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
