also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
