It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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