Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
