i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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