dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
