I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize