sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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