the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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