My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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