afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
