I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Randomize
