Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
