My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
