I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
