Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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