Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
