i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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