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SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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