I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
