That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
