if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
