It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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