I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
