i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
