i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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