My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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