i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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