Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
