Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
