what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
