Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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