Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
