Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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