how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
pop tarts are not kleenex
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
