The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
