May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
