My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
