i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
