apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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