if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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