i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
