Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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