She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
