just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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