i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
wow bdsm is so cute
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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