I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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