Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
