You're completely useless in the revolution.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
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