Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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