Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
