my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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