how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
