I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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