I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
