All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
