i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize