I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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