i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
